My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Blood and glitter go together right?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
