Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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