o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
