walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't turn off my feet"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
