I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
