Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
