Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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