Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
