people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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