it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And then he peed in my hair
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