I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
