so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
