I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
