he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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