In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
