someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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