Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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