Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
