you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
