It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
