yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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