I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I cut my penus on the lid.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
