I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
