I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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