Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
