Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
