She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
