so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
