So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
