You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
