I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
