how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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