Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
