im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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