I can feel you judging me through the phone.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
