Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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