I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
