I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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