I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
