I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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