Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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