I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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