Is it normal to miss your booty call?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
