My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
