I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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