Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
People in love make me want to vomit
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When are your genitals available?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
