I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
