We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
