Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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