so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
