I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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