remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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