I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
