1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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