just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
