Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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