so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
