i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
