I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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